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Tales From The Crypt

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Toh was founder Chairman of the People's Action Party in 1954
For those who are better informed, this is going to be one helluva gruelling week. Already the state television channels are playing the clip over and over ad nauseam, the one where the guy sheds crocodile tears after being tufted out of Malaysia.

Toh Chin Chye tells it different. Lee Kuan Yew, in his frustration with Malay rights, was becoming more and more anti-Malay in his speeches, particularly when he was abroad. All this was duly reported by Reuters and Cablenews and reached the ears of the Malaysian Government. Of course Kuala Lumpur reacted badly, some of the things he said were really insulting. He called them "Mad Mullahs" and all that.

It was Toh's turn to be frustrated. He told Melanie Chew, ("Leaders of Singapore", Resource Press (1996), page 97):
"He was crying,I don't understand him at all. On one hand, he worked so hard for merger. Having gotten the cupful, he shattered it. And then cried over it."

Lee held two successive conferences, and in both of which he cried. When he learnt from the press secretary, Lee Wei Ching (no relation), another was being scheduled, Toh had had enough. "You ought to tell the Prime Minister to go to Changi and take a rest. Call the press conference off! Another crying bout, and the people of Singapore will think the government is on its knees."

When asked if Lee was in a very emotional state because he felt he had made a blunder, Toh would only say, "You have to interview him on that. I cannot answer for him."

Chew's bulky volume is a good read, and contains interviews with every Singapore personality who had a hand in our nation building. Devan Nair, Goh Keng Swee, Lim Kim San, Rajaratnam, Ong Pang Boon, Lim Chin Siong, Lee Siew Choh, they are all included. With the significant exception of one Lee Kuan Yew. As they say, dead men tell no tales. Just don't expect the hard truth from the state controlled media.


The Soft Portrait

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Whoever was responsible for the funeral arrangements, he deserves to be shot. The photograph chosen for the once in a life time event lacks gravitas, hardly the best portrait of a strong man who fought colonial masters, Communists and political opponents alike, with one hand tied behind his back. It looks more like one of those effete models pimped by Calvin Cheng for a living.

Alex Josey told author James Minchin ("No Man Is An Island") that when Lee Kuan Yew first saw himself on television, he was momentarily shocked into silence. He was appalled at the fierce and unsmiling figure on the screen, clearly spoiling for a fight. This was not the figure the political Lee wanted to present to the electorate, according to Josey:
"He set out to soften the image. The result is not an unqualified success: when he is not tensed up to rebuke or attack, he tends to appear bored or chemically over-relaxed and his official smile is not unlike that of a crocodile tenderly anticipating his prey."

If you are planning to capture your own enduring image for posterity at the Parliament House lie-in-state - the elites had their meet and greet with the stiff at the Istana, hoi polloi will have to make do with some place less exclusive - here's a couple of handy funeral photography tips:
  • Beware family members may object to your presence, don't take it personally –– it's about grief and loss, and respecting sensitivities trumps all. Put aside politics for the day.
  • Eschew the wide angle lens for a telephoto to help you to take long shots and keep your distance. What you don't want is a slug to the chin by an over enthusiastic cop in plain clothes.
  • Have plenty of tissues with you; it will be hard to stay unmoved, especially when so many grassroots worshippers will be on the prowl for a $2 company opportunity. Whatever you do, don't sell three packets for a dollar.
  • The indoor lighting may not be optimal. Choose a high ISO setting and a camera with optical image stabilisation like the iPhone 6 Plus. Low light situations can be improved with the use of a monopod or tripod, but it is unlikely Baey Yam Keng will get to use his selfie gear.
When all else fails, there is always Adobe Photoshop.

The Last Lap

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Nice digs, staff of 90, $4 million to upkeep

Aha, the gun carriage denied to Ong Teng Cheong

Glass panels for climate control?

No ordinary land rover, must be a Mercedes

Looks like it's downhill all the way now

He ain't so heavy, he's just your grandpa

Goh has his last laugh, not so wooden after all

Seriously, bagpipes? Ummi drums cannot meh?

Someone please lock up after he leaves premises

Not exactly North Korea standard, but good enough

Back to place of work, after long absence

Last chance to note number plate for TOTO

Remember, chaps, you drop it, you pay for it

Phew! That wasn't too difficult, was it? 

Back to work, fellas, show's over.


I Come To Praise Caesar, Not Bury Him

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Henry Kissinger hailed him as a great man. And he was a close personal friend, a fact that Kissinger considers one of the great blessings of his life. A world needing to distill order from incipient chaos will miss his leadership. That's from the same Kissinger who also said "Power is the great aphrodisiac.” (New York Times, January 19, 1971)

Exactly why Kissinger is a darling embraced by legions of elite media, government, corporate and high society admirers is best attributed to the quote released by Wikileaks,"the illegal we do immediately; the unconstitutional takes a little longer".

Kissinger's most significant historical act was executing Richard Nixon's orders to conduct the worst massive bombing campaign of civilian targets in world history, covertly and illegally devastating thousands of non-combatant villages throughout areas of Cambodia. There is a word for the aerial mass murder that Henry Kissinger committed in Indochina, and that word is “evil”.

Kissinger the man will likely be remembered, if he is remembered at all, as the fellow best described by the novelist Joseph Heller in "Good As Gold":
 “It was disgraceful and so discouraging … that this base figure charged with infamies too horrendous to measure and too numerous for listing should be gadding about gaily in chauffeured cars, instead of walking at Spandau with Rudolf Hess ... Asked about his role in the Cambodian war, in which an estimated five hundred thousand people died, he'd said: ‘I may have a lack of imagination, but I fail to see the moral issue involved.’"

Closer to home, U.S. President Gerald R. Ford and Kissinger pre-approved Suharto’s invasion of East Timor in 1975, telling the dictator that "It is important that whatever you do succeeds quickly." By the time the Indonesian occupation finally ended in 1999, 200,000 Timorese – 30 percent of the population – had been wiped out.

For a huge variety of well justified reasons, Henry Kissinger is believed by millions to be one of the single most evil individuals still living, or to have ever lived. So, if you want your praises to be sung, choose carefully.

Cry Babies

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Kwa Geok Choo was once caught on a hot mike, wondering aloud why her husband who was so widely admired, was also widely hated. Some of the victims of Operation Cold Store may venture their theories, but their voices are not aired this week. Even Ngiam Tong Dow, always a treasure trove of personal anecdotes, is effectively silenced. Thankfully, the hate is also muted.

Hitler didn't want his remains to be desecrated by the Russian enemy at the gates, and gave specific instructions for his body to be drenched in petrol and burnt beyond recognition. He didn't fancy the fate of Mussolini, whose body was hung upside down from a metal girder in a suburban square, the Piazzale Loreto, for a large angry crowd to insult and physically abuse. Cremation has its advantages. A burial plot could be dive-bombed by marauding pigeons, or end up a collection point for Newater. Singaporeans are more forgiving.

In light of the 24/7 bombardment by the state media, one wonders if they are planning to beatify him. Beatification (from Latin beatus, "blessed" and facere, "to make") is a recognition accorded by the Catholic Church of a dead person's entrance into Heaven and capacity to intercede on behalf of individuals who pray in his or her name. Imagine, our very own Saint Harry.

Before you choose to condemn or bless his memory, consider the childhood he may have had.

Most of us living a humdrum life have pretty happy childhood memories. Lee Kuan Yew's earliest recollection was about being held by his ears and dangled over a deep freshwater well, punishment for messing around with his father's 4711 Brilliantine hair cream. Fifty years later, "I read in the Scientific American an article explaining how pain and shock released neuropeptides in the brain, stamping the new experience into the brain cells and thus ensuring that the experience would be remembered for a long time afterwards." ("The Singapore Story", page 25). Fortunately for us, it's only spurs stuck into the behind for our lot. Perhaps he was imagining JBJ as a father figure when he called him a mangy dog.

If Khaw Boon Wan really wants something to bawl about in parliament, it should be about a tormented  childhood, instead of stupid trees whose fallen branches block the road after a heavy thunder storm. Singapore would be a nicer place if the adults are all well adjusted.

Shades Of Stockholm Syndrome

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It was Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong who castigated Singaporeans by pointing out the trash that was left behind at the Laneway music festival (mostly Ang Moh fans) and contrasted it with how Myanmar football supporters (dressed suspiciously like hired help) picked up after themselves after a match at the National Stadium. Singapore's unique rubbish headache stems from its small size and high population density (Reuters, 21 May 2008).

But all is forgiven when garbage piled up along various parts of the meandering queue to Parliament House - where  Lee Kuan Yew’s body was lying in airconditioned comfort - despite an army of cleaners being deployed on the ground. A 57-year-old cleaner (Singaporean, not Burmese) who should have collected his CPF and be at home playing with his grandchildren told TODAY, “We have to constantly walk around to clear the rubbish... If there are more people we may have to work overtime depending on instructions.” The irony of the situation was not lost on one commentator, “Remember to keep the place clean and green. Don’t forget (Mr Lee’s) legacy.” Wait till the old man gets up and scold you, then you know.

Imagine the horror if the keechiu general had ordered packet rice to add to the hordes drawn in by freebies like bottled water, umbrellas, and snacks. Dismissing the freeloader mentality, there is another plausible reason for the horrendous queues snaking towards the casket for a 3 second viewing.

Stockholm syndrome, or capture-bonding, is a psychological phenomenon which explains why hostages express sympathy and develop positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with the captors. Popularised in the 1988 movie, Patty Hearst, an American heiress from the Hearst publishing family kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army (SLA), was a dramatic demonstration of the transition from victim to supporter.

The shift in Hearst's inexplicable behavior with the SLA has been widely attributed to the psychological phenomenon, an effect thought to occur when victims' initially frightening experiences are later countered with acts of compassion or comradery by those same perpetrators. The horror of the Central Provident Fund nest egg being held hostage are quickly forgotten, in exchange for GST vouchers, Pioneer Generation cards and other "acts of compassion". Either that or the surfeit of celebratory champagne is kicking in.

The Missing Man

Je Suis Amos

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Contrary to popular misconception, the word liberally peppered in his powerful diatribe is not of Anglo-Saxon origin. The f-word is of Germanic origin, related to Dutch, German, and Swedish words for "to strike" and "to move back and forth." If you were embarrassed, you will definitely flush red in the face at the explicit reference to procreative activity in this historic uttering in the staid house of parliament:
"Repression, Sir, is a habit that grows. I am told it is like making love - it is always easier the second time! The first time there may be pangs of conscience, a sense of guilt. But once embarked on this course with constant repetition you get more and more brazen in the attack. "

And there was this reference to a religious figure that could be discomfiting. Francis Seow must have been similarly disturbed by the dubious boast of one former politician, one decidedly no longer with us today, when he was speaking at an election rally in Cheng San. Something to the effect that, in the course of human history, only one person can claim to be able to rise from the dead.

More than one person was upset when same said expired politician used the word "Repent" with identical bold audacity at Aljunied.

There will be others with differing reactions to the young man's unpleasant truths, notably the grassroots leader honoured by Lim Swee Say with a Long Service Award. One who seems to have a fetish for the things he can get away with, in a particular the genital mutilation intents he had in mind for a little boy's pee-pee.

Only You

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Only you
Can make this world seem right
Only you
Can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone
Can thrill me like you do
And fill my heart with love for only you

She must have had the Johnny Mathis record on the turntable when our founding lady of Singapore literature was inspired to pen her eulogy. Too bad it wasn't set to verse, maybe some rap artiste of Eminem calibre will update the crooner's classic into an iTunes hit download.
  • If only you had done so without so much human cost.
  • If only this single-mindedness had not blinded you to the need for change in the evolving political landscape of Singapore.
  • If only you had shown one more attribute of great leadership—the ability to acknowledge mistakes made and the humility to say sorry for policies that had caused pain and hardship to others.
  • If only this deep sense of family closeness and love had been paralleled by a sense of compassion for the families of those political dissidents who were jailed for decades or had to flee into permanent exile.

And to the touchy feely part about devoted bedside duty for his ailing wife, we may add:
  • If only you understood the Sonnets you read to her, the Bard's words refer to a human heart of love and compassion, not a mechanical pacemaker contrived by scientists without soul.

Three days have not yet passed, and already a 17 year old has been arrested. No wonder they always say,  it ain't over till the fat lady sings. Writers don't count.

Horrible News

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Vivian Balakrishnan once "revealed" that Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong had asked him if he would have bid for the YOG if he had known it would cost more than S$300 million. To this, Balakrishnan said that he would still do it, and had no regrets. Well, if his intent was to just put Singapore in the international spotlight, there's a cheaper way.










After The Shock

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If you were one of those at risk of having brains turned into mush by the endless deluge of mindless docu-dramas broadcasted ad infinitum by the state media, an excellent counter measure would be to pick up a couple of titles at the nearest video rental.

Since working lachrymal glands will be the order of the day, start with the weepie "Aftershock" (Mandarin: Tángshān Dà Dìzhèn, Simplified: 唐山大地震). The 1976 Tangshan earthquake occurred between a series of political events involving the Communist Party of China, ultimately leading to the expulsion of the ruling Gang of Four. In traditional Chinese thought, natural disasters are seen as a precursor of dynastic change. We are situated in an earthquake-free zone, so we will have to settle for heavy thunderstorms on a Sunday afternoon.

"Aftershock" surpassed "The Founding of a Republic" (Chinese: 建国大业) as the highest-grossing locally-made film in China, earning RMB532 million. "Jian guo da ye" was made in honor of the 60th anniversary of the establishment of the People's Republic of China. The founding father here is none other than Mao, with some steps taken to humanize the dictator who severely damaged traditional Chinese culture, perpetrated systematic human rights abuses, and responsible for an estimated 40 to 70 million deaths through starvation. The film shows him passed out drunk while his comrades celebrate, and one sequence of a barely-awake Mao being carried out in pajamas during an air bombing reportedly almost got the film banned. Obvious ideological agendas prevent the filmmakers from lending the Communist characters any shades of gray.

If the glorification of Mao's exploits start to bore, Hitler's ranting in "Downfall" (German: Der Untergang) should jolt you like a bolt of lightning. The 2004 German war film directed by Oliver Hirschbiegel depicts the final 10 days of Adolf Hitler's reign over Nazi Germany in 1945. The Führer acts real nice, handing out cyanide pills as going away presents. A few journalists in Germany wondered aloud whether the "human" treatment of Hitler might not inadvertently aid the neo-Nazi movement. Ngiam Tong Dow may have fretted about mini-LKYs, now the fear is about mini-Sturmabteilung (SA), the original paramilitary wing of the Nazi Party. Keep your children locked indoors if you spot any SA men in "brownshirts".

Like Mao and Hitler, Kim Jong-un is shown in his soft side in "The Interview". During the climatic internationally televised interview, he gets to cry on air. These guys are not all that horrible, so give them a break. Especially when today happens to be April 1st.

Humour Is In Short Supply

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On April Fools’ Day Google’s various divisions outdo themselves by creating more practical and impractical jokes than any other tech firm. This year they have Pac-Man mode for Google Maps on desktop and mobile. Fire up Google Maps, check the clues, and search for a place where you think Pac-Man might be. The streets are your maze, while Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde are your enemies. The joke is less funny in Singapore because the enemies are ERP gantries and the astronomically high cost of a Certificate of Entitlement (COE).

And it's definitely not an April Fool joke when the Government announced that over 800,000 Singaporean HDB households will receive $45 million worth of Goods and Services Tax (GST) Voucher – Utilities-Save (U-Save) rebate in April this month. The humour is in the line about GST not being regressive, spewed by same big mouth who said an integrated resort is not a casino. You know the on-going joke, they give you a hundred dollars, they take away ninety-nine.

Malaysia introduces GST this month, but at least they have a list of tax exempt items to soothe the pain:
  • RON 95 petrol, diesel and LPG fuel,
  • Essentials like rice, sugar, salt, flour, cooking oil, coffee, tea, poultry and fish, 
  • Public transport (LRT, KTM buses),
  • Sale and rental of property,
  • Books and reading materials,
  • Healthcare and dental services

BTW the 6% GST is not an additional tax, it replaces the Sales and Services Tax (SST) of 5 to 10 percent. That's the difference between Malaysia and Singapore.

The bigger reason for not laughing is when a grassroots leader is still running free, threatening to maim a boy's manhood for having the cojones to speak the hilarious truth. Nobody is wasting time to file a report because the greater joke is that the Singapore Police Force (SPF) will probably work as efficaciously as they did in pursuing the 2011 case of Young People’s Action Party (YPAP) member Jason Neo. That's the fellow who posted a photo he had taken of a school bus occupied by Malay children from Huda Kindergarten, and captioned it “Bus filled with young terrorist trainees?” Surely that's not funny, right?

Two Sides Of The Coin

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Steve Jobs was alive when he handpicked Walter Isaacson to write his authorized biography. He told Isaacson, who had written biographies of Benjamin Franklin and Albert Einstein, he wanted his children to know about their father, warts and all: "But I don't have any skeletons in my closet that can't be allowed out". He encouraged the people he knew - scores of people fired, abused, abandoned, or otherwise infuriated - to speak honestly. His own wife said, "There are parts of his life and personality that are extremely messy, and that's the truth. You shouldn't whitewash it".

Jobs probably knew he may not live long enough to see the finished book, released on October 24, 2011, by Simon & Schuster in the United States. Jobs died on October 5, 2011.

One of the unpleasant tales related to how he shortchanged co-founder Steve Wozniak of the bonus money for a game design for Atari. It would be 10 years later before Wozniak read about it in a history of Atari titled "Zap". When Jobs learned the story was published, he called Wozniak to deny it. But Atari's Nolan Bushnell confirmed there was a bonus paid for for each chip that was saved in the circuit board design. Wozniak cried.

Steve Jobs’ acolytes say a new book "Becoming Steve Jobs" by Brent Schlender and Rick Tetzeli paints a more fitting picture of the Apple founder than Walter Isaacson’s 2011 best seller, “Steve Jobs”. Jobs’ former colleagues and friends have taken sides, speaking out against the old book and praising the new one. Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO and Jobs’ successor, has said that Isaacson’s book depicts Jobs as “a greedy, selfish egomaniac.”

But who did get it right? Even authors Schlender and Tetzeli had to stop and ask: “How could the man who had been such an inconsistent, inconsiderate, rash, and wrongheaded businessman ... become the venerated CEO who revived Apple and created a whole new set of culture-defining products?”

Closer to home lies another interesting question. How could a man who who would rather be feared than loved ("If nobody is afraid of me, I’m meaningless”) whip up such an orgy of adulation? TIME  magazine (April 6, 2015) suggests one clue:
“Whether Lee intended it or not, his template for Singapore became a model for many authoritarian governments that saw its success as an example of how prosperity could be achieved while controlling freedom.”

The Two Men Rule Applies

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It's official, the first record of a 2-men assembly. Two men between the age of 24 and 25 were arrested by the police on the afternoon of Saturday April 4 for turning up in front of the Istana with placards that read “You can’t silence the people” and “Injustice”. Police said that as both refused to budge despite efforts from the officers, they were arrested for organising a public assembly without permit, under Section 16(1)(a) of the Public Order Act, Chapter 257A.

Sylvia Lim fought against 4 amendments to Laws on Peaceful Assembly in 2007:
"This refers to clauses 29 and 30 of the Bill. By clause 29 of the Bill, we are removing the heading “Offences Against Public Tranquility” and replacing it with “Offences relating to Unlawful Assembly”. By Clause 30, we will be deleting “mischief or trespass or other offence” and replacing it with “to commit any offence”.

S 141 has been amended to bring it in line with a recent Court of Appeal case: PP v Tan Meng Khin [1995] 2 SLR 505. Now, an assembly will be unlawful if people intend to commit an offence punishable with imprisonment of 6 mths or more, even if it is peaceful and does not disturb public tranquility. Under our law, a person who organizes a procession or assembly after the police rejection of a permit can be punished with max 6 months jail under the Miscellaneous Offences Act. Hence 5 or more people who gather to do so will become members of an unlawful assembly.
...
As our society continues to evolve, the time is surely ripe for us to allow peaceful outdoor protests as a form of expression. By all means, we can have rules about how, where and when such processions may be held, but wider law reform is needed. S 141 should be restricted to offences which threaten the public peace, and other laws such as the Miscellaneous Offences Act which require permits for peaceful assemblies should be modified."

So did they listen to the lady? No, instead they made Singapore a laughing stock. This is how Ms Lim spelled it out in her speech of April 2009:
"The change in definition of “assembly” and “procession” is more disturbing. As the Explanatory Statement to the Bill says, these words are no longer restricted to gatherings of 5 persons or more. This means even ONE person alone can constitute illegal assembly, thus giving the State complete control over an individual citizen’s freedoms.

First, to say that 1 person constitutes an assembly is certainly an abuse of the word. Secondly, is the government making the change because there had been incidents involving less than 5 persons which had disrupted public life? Unless there is compelling evidence to prove to us that expanding the definition of assembly and procession is needed, this expansion does not deserve our support."

Shakespeare would certainly turn in his grave for the misuse of the English vocabulary, but you can bet the ashes in the urn are not the slightest perturbed.

By-Election Rumbles

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"Whenever the seat of a Member, not being a non-constituency Member, has become vacant for any reason other than a dissolution of Parliament, the vacancy shall be filled by election in the manner provided by or under any law relating to Parliamentary elections for the time being in force."- Constitution of Singapore, Article 49

When the expulsion of Yaw Shin Leong in mid-February 2012 triggered Speaker Michael Palmer to declare the Hougang Single Member Constituency seat vacant, there was much hemming and hawing as to what should be done. Hougang resident Vellama Marie Muthu, represented by human rights lawyer M Ravi, brought the by-election issue up in court.

Justice Philip Pillai concluded on Aug 1, 2012, that “there is no requirement” in Singapore’s constitution to call elections to fill elected Member of Parliament (MP) vacancies, and therefore no prescribed time such elections must be called. Pillai explained that the term "election" in Article 49 (1) in Part VI of Singapore's constitution carries two possible interpretations:
  • One, it could refer to an event, making the holding of a by-election mandatory.
  • Two, it could refer to the process of election, indicating only that the way in which the process of filling a vacated seat in parliament is by election.

Ergo, Pillai ruled that the Parliamentary Elections Act "merely provides the mechanism to hold such an election (the by-election) should the Prime Minister decide to call one", instead of determining whether or not one should be held, much less when.

In simple Singlish: law say by-election must hor, but didn't say when, leh.

Constitutional law professor Thio Li-ann and adjunct law professor Kevin Tan, both of whom lecture at the National University of Singapore (NUS), as well as assistant professor in constitutional law at Singapore Management University (SMU) Jack Lee, spoke in agreement with Nominated Member of Parliament (NMP) Eugene Tan, assistant professor of law at the Singapore Management University (SMU) School of Law who argued in February 2012 that although the Constitution did not impose a timeframe within which a by-election had to be held, it was not the intent that this should allow elections to be postponed indefinitely. The fact that the Constitution is silent on exactly when by-elections should be called should not be taken as permission not to call them at all. "In short," he wrote, "the 'default' position should be that a by-election should be automatic, although there is no hard and fast rule on the timing."

Jack Lee and Thio Li-ann also pointed out that the issue of by-elections was previously debated in Parliament in August 2008, where Thio herself, in her capacity as an NMP alongside corporate lawyer and then-fellow NMP Siew Kum Hong, argued that by-elections should be called within three months of vacancy of the parliamentary seat.

Former attorney-general Walter Woon bypassed the legal mumbo-jumbo altogether and cut to the chase: he believed the ruling party government's intention was to avoid being held to a timeline to call for a by-election. "Will the voters feel that they have not been treated fairly if no by-election is called? That is the question," he added.

To cut a long story short, a by-election was held, with Nomination Day on 16 May 2012 and Polling on 26 May 2012. Png Eng Huat won with 62.1% of the vote. Huat, ah!

To complicate Justice Pillai's position on the law, there may be a new factor in the "respectable" period of mourning thrown in for good measure. But whatever happens to Tanjong Pagar, Walter Woon's caveat looms large, "Will the voters feel that they have not been treated fairly if no by-election is called?"


Put It To Rest, Please

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Eugenics: his social philosophy
Dr Lee Wei Ling should really stop telling tales. She may not realise it, her frank candor could unravel the intricate tapestry of pagan worship being crafted by the state propaganda machinery (TODAY Special Issue, 5 Apr 2015, "Farewell Papa, I Will Miss You").

On the plus side, the victims of Operation Cold Store and Spectrum gets to be consoled that their wretched tormentor was suffering miserably during his last five years as dictator. We now know he developed Parkinson's disease 3 years ago, which limited his mobility, but not accessibility to his full MP allowance. Too proud to be sighted in a wheelchair, he misused his security officers (SOs, pronounced ass-holes) as human walking sticks. Perennially plagued by bouts of hiccups, he could swallow solids and liquids only with great difficulty. Rest of us had to swallow his insults and castigations for decades.

The once vaunted thinking prowess must have been adversely affected too. His internet research led to use of rabbit skin and chicken feathers to induce sneezing, surely an unorthodox therapy for curing hiccups. He entertained other weird theories too, like excessive food intake precipitates an involuntary spasm of the diaphragm and respiratory organs. And you thought stop-at-two was bad enough.

And we get to know the daughter was also technically challenged - papa once revealed that he doesn't do SMS because he "can't find the keys". To remove a SIM card from her BlackBerry, she had to call in the services of the expensive SOs, with the rank and pay scale of ASPs. And if she had problems sleeping, they get to keep her company too. Makes you wonder what else is in their job description.

The most awful revelation has to be this:
"Also, you have inherited my traits, but in such an exaggerated way that they are a disadvantage to you."

Suddenly it makes sense why the sissified image - some likened it to a caricature of Kuan Yin, the Godess of Compassion - captured by Mahathir's son-in-law, photographer Tara Sosrowardoyo, was so surreal. The same Mahathir who is calling Our Dear Leader kiasu (“Kuan Yew resigned but he was still there as senior minister and minister mentor..."), forever postponing the day of reckoning when hard truths will finally be unveiled. Doubtless, some will be calling it Mahathir's revenge.

Singapore Police Brutality

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We were house hunting for the company's branch office in Manila, when the Chinese Filipino agent told us to contact the condominium security in event of need for assistance - never, never call the police. Years ago, a friend of his who was kidnapped and released after the ransom was paid went to make a report. Imagine the horror when he saw one of his kidnappers in uniform at the station. Since then, the trust in the authorities had never been the same.

When Iskandar Bin Rahmat, a senior staff sergeant attached to Bedok Police Division, was charged with the brutal murders of Tan Boon Sin and his son Tan Chee Heong at their Hillside Drive home, then Police Commissioner Ng Joo Hee had said: "The public’s trust in the Police is the only reason why we are able to keep Singapore as safe as it is. This trust is hard-earned and must never be broken."

Iskandar was the police officer attending to elder victim Tan Boon Sin when latter had earlier made a police report in November 2012 over the theft of a safety deposit box at  CISCO.

Businessman Mr Lim was visibly shaken in his faith in the law when a gang of about 8 plainclothes police officers gatecrashed his drinking session with a group of friends at a nightclub in Hotel Rendzeous. He has the evidence of the roughhousing to prove it too: a broken nose that requires follow up treatment in a hospital for plastic surgery. The physical abuse stopped only when someone shouted, “bleeding already!” Unfortunately Dinesh Rahman did not have third party intervention, else he would be still alive today to bear witness of police brutality.

Lee Hsien Loong just happened to be boasting about our "tech-savvy" police when he wrote "No more 'I say/you say' dispute over what happened". He was referring to the new body cameras for front-line police officers he saw at the opening of the Police Operations Command Centre (POCC).

Obviously the thugs that took down an innocent Singaporean was not equipped with the all seeing device. Heck, they even flipped their identity tags over so they can hide in plain sight. And what did they say of the incident? - "disorderly behavior by speaking loud in the general public and assault on police officer for tugging at the lanyard of the officer". Does that mean that, in addition to the ubiquitous breath analyser test, we will all soon have to pass a decibel meter check?

Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush

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Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong may refer to the announced changes to his Cabinet as "part of continuing leadership renewal", but it sure looks like a children's playground round of musical chairs.

Lim Swee Say takes over Tan Chuan‐Jin's appointment of Minister for Manpower;
Tan Chuan‐Jin takes over Chan Chun Sing's appointment of Minister for Social and Family Development;
Chan Chun Sing takes over Lim Swee Say's appointment of Minister in the Prime Minister’s Office.

Same tired old trio playing scissors-paper-stone.  Where is the renewal element, where are the fresh faces?

If anyone drew the short straw, the keechiu general seems to have lost big time. He ceded not only the Minister for Social and Family Development honours for what used to be aptly called Minister Without Portfolio (a.k.a. good for no particular field of specialty), he also had to surrender the Second Minister for Defence post to Lui Tuck Yew, poor guy already submerged way beyond his depth with the onerous Minister for Transport hat.

The big winner seems to be Masagos Zulkifli. Full Ministership means 24/7 Gurkha guards for his private residential security and a freshly minted millionaire. His prize is not just being another Minister in the Prime Minister’s Office (anybody keeping score how many of those are already in the Prime Minister's Office?), but also Second Minister for the Ministry of Home Affairs and Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Does that mean he is entitled to three million dollars?

Makes you want to watch the Amos Yee video again, particularly the last part about hoping for change, good change.
Just have to be right place, right time


We're Rich

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Microsoft’s global tax chief Bill Sample, under investigation by the Australian Taxation Office, admitted that huge revenue figures from Australia were booked in Singapore, where the corporate tax rate is capped at 17 per cent compared to Australia’s 30 per cent. Microsoft's A$2 billion of revenue generated in Australia, including from Windows and Xbox products, ended up in Singapore.

RMIT University tax expert Professor Sinclair Davidson explained how the round tripping mechanism was perfectly legal: “When you buy a Microsoft product, the intellectual property is registered in Singapore. The Australian arm of the company then pays a royalty fee to the Singapore holding company, effectively transferring the profit to a country where the tax rate is half that of Australia.’’

Google Australia’s managing director Maile Carnegie had nothing to hide too. She said: “This is the way the global tax system works," confirming that the company’s lucrative advertising revenue was booked in Singapore but could not say how much, citing US disclosure laws.

With all those juicy numbers fattening up the balance sheets, and minimal direct or indirect overhead costs incurred in country, shouldn't our productivity rate be shooting up the roof?

Will the guy who debunked the 450,000 figure of worshippers who filed past the casket in 4 days please fire up your calculator again?

Father Knows Best

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It was a kopi-tiam argument that tested the best of friendships - at stake was the erudition of a Cambridge scholar. We had to pipe down quickly before being accosted by plain clothes law enforcers for "disorderly behavior by speaking loud in the general public". The demi-god had said steamboat was two words. The redolence of mass adulation will brook no contrarian view.

In chapter 12 of "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" (first published 1885), Jim and Huck continue down the shore of the Missouri mountains and come upon a steamboat crippled on a rock. Cliff's Notes say Mark Twain's decision to name the boat the Walter Scott continues his mockery of romantic novels and their authors. The wreck's importance to the novel, however, is found in the contrasting images of peace and police brutality and Huck's inevitable deliberations on death.

If literature is not your cup of tea, you may find this easier to swallow. Steamboat Willie is a 1928 American animated short film produced in black-and-white by Walt Disney Studios and was released by Celebrity Productions. The cartoon is considered the debut of Mickey Mouse and his girlfriend Minnie. In 1994 members of the animation field voted Steamboat Willie 13th in the book "The 50 Greatest Cartoons", a compilation of the greatest cartoons of all time. In 1998 the film was selected for preservation in the United States' National Film Registry for being deemed "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant". It is not found at the National Museum of Singapore. That would take the mickey out of somebody.

The founding father did arrive home that day, we are told, but not by battleship. He explained that he wanted steam boat for dinner, but as “steam boat” was two words, and telegrams were charged by the word, he wrote “battleship” instead, to save words and money!

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